tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-301982462024-03-14T01:41:54.048-05:00Criss RobertsA blog by a women's fiction writer about writing and the time in-between.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18042169319157816878noreply@blogger.comBlogger28125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30198246.post-64988728646102191362018-04-03T11:56:00.003-05:002018-08-15T08:23:34.643-05:00The Writer at home<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 14.4px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0.25in; text-size-adjust: auto;">
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnQk2QFvfXDdlkBhLNJkI6v8ti_iRoZAhUpc_xI2bUi37eBu1TB3R-7bIM4IcaJOK2jCMLkgjR4bMrOjMkSGaAE1YkpIkSq7vJu9D8EZIS-sws9U1vremXEYiQPTNfvwDgA2plqA/s1600/IMG_0244.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnQk2QFvfXDdlkBhLNJkI6v8ti_iRoZAhUpc_xI2bUi37eBu1TB3R-7bIM4IcaJOK2jCMLkgjR4bMrOjMkSGaAE1YkpIkSq7vJu9D8EZIS-sws9U1vremXEYiQPTNfvwDgA2plqA/s320/IMG_0244.JPG" width="320" /></a></span></div>
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<span class="" style="font-family: "cochin"; line-height: 14.4px;"><span class=""><span class="">I'm not a big fan of second-person point of view, but it seemed right to this homage to my biggest fan </span></span></span></h4>
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<span class="" style="font-family: "cochin"; line-height: 14.399999618530273px;"><span class="" style="font-size: large;"><i class="">The Writer In The Kitchen</i></span></span><span class="" style="font-family: "cochin"; font-size: 14pt; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></div>
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<span class="" style="font-family: "cochin"; line-height: 16.8px;"><span style="font-size: large;">1. </span></span><span class="" style="font-family: "cochin"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 16.8px;">You come home to find the crockpot bubbling away on the spotless counter and believe this to be a good sign. The writer is deep in her work, words are flowing as freely as the champagne you plan to open when this book that has consumed your lives appears atop the bestseller list. Although you have been warned that this is an unlikely outcome, you prefer this ending to the story. <o:p class=""></o:p></span></div>
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<span class="" style="font-family: "cochin"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 16.799999237060547px;">When you locate the writer in the disarray of the spare bedroom she calls an office, she thanks you for your enthusiasm, but regrets the misunderstanding. That crockpot holds today’s sorrows: the rejections, the bad decisions, the harsh judgments. It is her last gasp of effort at the end of the day, a final attempt at creating something worthy. You will lift the crockpot’s lid, even though you have been warned never to do so, and interrupt the cooking process. You do not understand process. Just one peek. What’s the harm? You open and you sniff, reassuring the writer that it will be good.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><o:p class=""></o:p></span></div>
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<span class="" style="font-family: "cochin"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 16.799999237060547px;">You will then call for take-out because everything is now ruined. </span></div>
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<span class="" style="font-family: "cochin"; line-height: 16.8px;"><span style="font-size: large;">2.</span></span><span class="" style="font-family: "cochin"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 16.8px;"> The smell of garlic lures you into the kitchen. The writer is at the stove, wineglass in hand, cheerily sautéing in accordance with directions from a recipe torn from the pages of a magazine she found in the doctor’s waiting room.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><o:p class=""></o:p></span></div>
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<span class="" style="font-family: "cochin"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 16.799999237060547px;">It smells wonderful. You ask what it is. The writer gropes for the name of the recipe, but that information was on another page . One she didn’t rip out because she was sure she’d remember. It doesn’t matter to you, but the writer is stuck. She can not proceed until she finds the exact words she is looking for. Chicken something. Piccata? No. It starts with a P. Puttanesca? The writer begins telling a story about the recipe and the doctors office and soon, the garlic has burned. You suggest an alternative meal, but the writer can not give up her vision.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><o:p class=""></o:p></span></div>
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<span class="" style="font-family: "cochin"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 16.799999237060547px;">This will lead to an argument. You are no longer hungry.<o:p class=""></o:p></span></div>
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<span class="" style="font-family: "cochin"; line-height: 16.8px;"><span style="font-size: large;">3.</span></span><span class="" style="font-family: "cochin"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 16.8px;"> This is what you are having for dinner: Moroccan meatballs in raisin sauce served with a side of Israeli couscous and a dry Italian red. The writer posted a photograph on Facebook two hours ago. It looks delicious. It also looks like it will be very cold by the time you arrive to eat.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><o:p class=""></o:p></span></div>
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<span class="" style="font-family: "cochin"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 16.799999237060547px;">Those intervening hours give you time to consider the whys of this situation. It is possible the writer has finished her work and is happy with the results. It is also possible that the writer has chosen an alternative career in food service and you are Patient Zero.<o:p class=""></o:p></span></div>
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<span class="" style="font-family: "cochin"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 16.799999237060547px;">It will be neither. Angst has driven the writer to social media to increase her visibility. She has also started a blog, which she asks you not to read. But later that night, after the writer finishes most of the wine and retires, you do look and find you have become her main character. It is not a flattering portrait, but you are secretly proud because the writing is good.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><o:p class=""></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "cochin";"><span style="font-size: large;">4.</span></span><span style="font-family: "cochin"; font-size: 14px;"> You make plans for dinner out. The writer is grateful. She has not left the house in four days. On the ride to the restaurant she tells you about her progress and then says this: Thank you for your support. It is the best bit of dialogue she’s ever written. </span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18042169319157816878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30198246.post-2419629477930082082016-02-13T07:28:00.001-06:002016-02-13T07:28:44.086-06:00The Smallest of Openings<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwTsdjOG-RKX9a_vtyG4R5s2ZhcR19-dukUJ-lDnjN4ClUpMYypMQph4FxxUgmiVzjhZ9zIybNiDqzDKkzUo3uVdYG80hTcSGLfZllWdEcntKb4hKfX5KDb2Kshi4ULxF5FtYfuw/s1600/IMG_0718.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwTsdjOG-RKX9a_vtyG4R5s2ZhcR19-dukUJ-lDnjN4ClUpMYypMQph4FxxUgmiVzjhZ9zIybNiDqzDKkzUo3uVdYG80hTcSGLfZllWdEcntKb4hKfX5KDb2Kshi4ULxF5FtYfuw/s320/IMG_0718.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Winter Morning on the Mississippi River, Iowa</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<i>I had a few bad years back in the '80s. I'd quit writing. Almost quit living. Short stories got me through and I depended on a few writers for everything: Ann Beattie, Melissa Banks, T.C. Boyle, Carver (of course) and Pam Houston. </i><br />
<i>So when I had the opportunity to submit a short story to win a spot at one of Houston's workshops, I was in. I didn't expect to be one of the winners, but I'm going to Boulder.</i><br />
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<i>Here's the piece. It's fiction. The parameters were: Include an airplane, song lyrics from the 70s, a fruit with the letter P and an animal I'd like to be. And do it in 500 words.</i><br />
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<b><span style="color: #373737; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.0pt;">The smallest of openings<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="color: #373737; font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Out there, the sky went on forever and the days stretched even further. It
was that sky Lily remembered years later when someone asked where she’d been.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #373737; font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">The television was on. She kept it in a corner of the kitchen counter for
company. She’d looked up to see a plane flying into the building. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #373737; font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">She remembered that part.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #373737; font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">She also remembered the antidepressants weren’t working. How the daily
sadness squeezed tighter that morning, a dark dog curled around her heart stealing
the last heat from a dying fire. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #373737; font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">She’d called him, suspecting he hadn’t heard. No one believed him when he
told the story about that day. He’d been in the fields. It was noon when he’d
finally thought to look at his phone. By then, the planes had stopped flying,
emptying the September sky of clouds and contrails, leaving it the calm endless
blue of a tropical sea.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #373737; font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">“I don’t want to be alone.” Jack hadn’t picked up, so she left a message.
“I don’t know who else to call.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #373737; font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">She’d waited in their sunshine yellow kitchen, embracing him before both
his feet were over the threshold. Shaking her off, he turned to the television.
She watched his face as it moved from shock to horror before settling on anger.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #373737; font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">“You need a drink,” she said. “I’ll get us a drink.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #373737; font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">She kept a bottle of whiskey on the dining room sideboard. For him. She
preferred wine. When she returned, two glasses in hand, the television played
to an empty room. She found him in the bedroom, pulling clothes from his
dresser drawer.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #373737; font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">“All of this, it made me think about us. How lucky we are.” She held out
his glass. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #373737; font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">He walked past her, into the closet where his shirts hung apart from hers.
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<span style="color: #373737; font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">“I guess …” He’d never been good with words. “I guess our luck’s run
out.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #373737; font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">She laughed at him, then realized he wasn’t joking. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #373737; font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">“I guess I must have know it would some day,” she said, afraid to
disagree.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #373737; font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Years later, when she told the story, she insisted that her luck had just
begun, that it increased with ever piece of clothes he threw into his duffel. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #373737; font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">But standing there, all she could say was “Where will you go? What will
you do?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #373737; font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">He shrugged. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Life’s too short.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #373737; font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">She swirled the liquor in his glass, then carried both to the sink.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #373737; font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">A single jet flew low, far below radar range, crossing to the east, opening
a small tear in the sky. She watched through the kitchen window as she poured
the whiskey down the drain, thinking she should tell him the President was
flying overhead. Tell him everything would be all right now.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #373737; font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Instead, she pulled a knife from the drawer, studying her reflection
before choosing an apple from the bowl, slicing it onto a cracked china plate. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #373737; font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Outside, the sun was warm, the apple sweet. And for a second, she forgot
that winter was near. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18042169319157816878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30198246.post-20606617028819463152015-08-13T17:44:00.000-05:002015-08-13T17:44:34.250-05:00Ideas wanted: Cheap, easy and life-changing preferredFor every post I write, there are at least three that never get out of draft form.<br />
<br />
They're contrived. Boring. Trying too hard. Not trying hard enough.<br />
And some of them just don't say anything. No story to tell. I <i>thought</i> there was something there when I started, but I'll never be able to huff enough air into the limp corpse to make it come alive.<br />
<br />
For every post that remains unpublished, there are another dozen that never get written. Why? Because I can't string two sentences together. Can't find a thread to follow. A line to write. I poke around, kick a thought or two and nothing. So I have profound respect for anyone with never-ending patter. Writers who churn out pages. Storytellers who gush out words.<br />
<br />
Now, I find I can be one too. On <a href="https://soundcloud.com/thegist/where-to-find-the-best-stories" target="_blank">The Gist </a>podcast, Slate's Mike Pesca interviewed <a href="http://www.matthewdicks.com/" target="_blank">Matthew Dicks </a>about where he gets his idea. Dicks, a storyteller, author and 20-time winner of The Moth StorySlams, has a system and it's simple in concept.<br />
<br />
Simple is good. I can do simple.<br />
<br />
Every night, Dicks opens up a spreadsheet and asks himself "If I had to tell a 5 minute story of my day, what would it be?" Then he writes it on a spreadsheet. 5 to 20 words. That's it.<br />
<br />
"It will, I promise you, change your life." Dicks says in the podcast.<br />
<br />
What it does is find the <i>different </i>in the day, "little moments that mean the most." It's moments that make us more relatable. More entertaining. And once those moments are written down, they spark connections, spin into something bigger than five words.<br />
<br />
So I've started a spreadsheet and looked back at the day, searching for a moment that is ready to be the star in it's own story. By writing it down, I've rescued it. Honored it. Given it the potential to save me and itself. To escape the draft folder and find life online.<br />
<br />
Listen to <a href="https://soundcloud.com/thegist/where-to-find-the-best-stories" target="_blank">Where to Find the Best Stories</a> on The Gist podcast.<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18042169319157816878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30198246.post-75805727226389635842015-07-13T11:01:00.001-05:002015-07-14T12:11:59.297-05:00Above all, avoid the wankers<div style="font-family: Cochin; text-indent: 18px;">
<br /><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5iLAJEnSpzd-ZojmVDWwXznNiTpH2hrYDP0B-wLZWTrXmIW-8acgv2L5-u0Yup1GbiKeX-oHQ1gS3awYoKoncar1N0aTxcxn71PV3wQLRjp3zLBUsMZmDoyJE86uIas-uKKO7ug/s1600/383481_4039239745269_858759921_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5iLAJEnSpzd-ZojmVDWwXznNiTpH2hrYDP0B-wLZWTrXmIW-8acgv2L5-u0Yup1GbiKeX-oHQ1gS3awYoKoncar1N0aTxcxn71PV3wQLRjp3zLBUsMZmDoyJE86uIas-uKKO7ug/s320/383481_4039239745269_858759921_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">The author, escaped from backstage.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Cochin;">I was a roadie — a tour-ette — back in the old days. Before the husband. Pre-kids. Back when I didn’t mind sleeping in a different bed every night. (Alone. OK?)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Cochin;">It was the ‘80. I learned some important things. How to work 36-hours straight. How to earn respect instead of demanding it. How to drink like one of the guys. How to maintain relationships from 1000 miles away.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Cochin;">It wasn’t until I went back on the road, an over-50 wardrobe girl, that I rediscovered the value of some of these lessons, particularly as I navigated the second act of my life.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Cochin;">On the road, every day is an encore. A do-over. A new perspective on the same old problems. The unwritten rules of veteran roadies offered some useful insights in an ever-changing world.</span><br />
<span style="text-indent: 0px;">Here are a few things I learned from standing in the wings.</span> </div>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; text-indent: 18px;">
<b>Shut up about your talent</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; text-indent: 18px;">
Talent opens the door, but 90 percent of the rest is hard work. Bands that last have one thing in common. They work. If you want to stick aroour day. The rest of it happens in the bowels of stadiums or the corners of cavund, you never stop working. Those two hours on stage are a small chunk of a 12-hur day. The rest of it happens in the bowels of stadiums or the corners of cavernous theaters. In hotel rooms and dressing rooms. There, you’ll find your fangirl crush crashing through a new tune, working the kinks out of tired chords and running scales like a schoolboy. That time on stage is the tip of the musical iceberg.</div>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; text-indent: 18px;">
<b>Karma, Part 1: Reputation Does Matter</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; text-indent: 18px;">
You can meet a dozen Prince Charmings, but it’s always the dicks you remember. No one remembers them now, though. They’re playing casino lounges or opening (and closing) restaurants with augmented hairlines and a back-up band that's counting the days until their contract is up. </div>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; text-indent: 18px;">
<b>Bring Something To The Table Besides Your Boobs</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; text-indent: 18px;">
Groupies. Ugh. They swarm around the shipping docks like gnats, but rarely — so very rarely — get past the gate. If the only thing you feel you have to bring to the table is your looks, fine. Just get out of my way so I can do my job. I’ll deal with the sexism you’ve re-ignited in my workplace later. </div>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; text-indent: 18px;">
<b>It’s Always Something</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; text-indent: 18px;">
So here’s a story. I’m doing wardrobe for a musician who has been performing for more than 50 years. A legend, and I don’t use that word lightly. Originally with three other guys. You probably know him. Anyway, he’ll regularly riff backstage with musicians who interest him. Not big names. Mariachi bands, that kind of thing. Because even after 50 years, there’s more to learn and no one knows where that lesson will come from.</div>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; text-indent: 18px;">
<b>Karma, Part 2: Everyone Makes Mistakes</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; text-indent: 18px;">
You stick with this job long enough and you’ll see some train wrecks. Bad relationships. Bad drugs. Bad choices all around. Here’s the thing with a train wreck. You don’t see it coming. The people around you, the one’s standing at the side of the track, watching from a different angle, sense a tragedy in the making. And they’ll try to tell you. In some way, they’ll telegraph the inevitable. They can save you or they can let you sink. That’s up to you. Pay attention to the by-standers.</div>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; text-indent: 18px;">
<b>Rock On</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; text-indent: 18px;">
Tour professionals dress like teen-agers, work like monsters and party like a grandmothers (except for catering... that's a whole other thing when it comes to the partying). They’ve seen the world, mostly from their hotel room window. Famous people? They trip over them on the way to a bathroom break. It’s a glamorous job, and someone’s got to do it, but in the end it’s still a job. An exhausting 36-hour-a-day job that just happens to include a nightly serenade from that guy on the cover of the <i>Rolling Stone.</i> But like every job, this one ends and the only thing you can take with you are a few guitar picks and the ability to work with anyone, anywhere at any time. Unless they’re wankers. Avoid the wankers at any cost.</div>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; min-height: 21px; text-indent: 18px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; text-indent: 18px;">
<i>Criss Roberts is the mostly stay-at-home sister in a family of tour professionals who have been on the road since the 1980s. She was out there for a while, but likes her own bed too much. She writes at </i><a href="http://crissroberts.blogspot.com/"><i>crissroberts.blogspot.com</i></a><i>.</i></div>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; min-height: 21px; text-indent: 18px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="font-family: Cochin; min-height: 21px; text-indent: 18px;">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18042169319157816878noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30198246.post-67599404791924812182015-07-06T15:34:00.002-05:002015-07-06T15:41:19.778-05:00The writing life: Part 1<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgb7Boal44kssqcoXH5tCQh-8mjpZF0WV2XkDNO9nkzJhD-btFbcwmN6P0I_GWfKVDs-LxUMebxpXbHxpIh1eGmha1v7ggz6ZuZWFLxeUIURb_lGhgIUCRv7ixJpzS48LEGwR9q7w/s1600/Picture+056.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgb7Boal44kssqcoXH5tCQh-8mjpZF0WV2XkDNO9nkzJhD-btFbcwmN6P0I_GWfKVDs-LxUMebxpXbHxpIh1eGmha1v7ggz6ZuZWFLxeUIURb_lGhgIUCRv7ixJpzS48LEGwR9q7w/s320/Picture+056.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Some days it's like this.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
This book-writing thing. It's a bitch. It screws with your head and sucks out your soul.<br />
<div>
I'm an outliner, a plotter (and plodder. ) Some people can just wander off down an uncharted path, happily leaving story in their trail. </div>
<div>
Not me.</div>
<div>
I need signposts and rest stops. A clearly marked route. Not that I always take it, but I like to know where I'm going and roughly when I'll get there. Once I'm on that route, I trip merrily along until I reach the end, all the while living in this alternative universe I've created.</div>
<div>
Real live friends and family are ignored in favor of imaginary ones. If you speak to me and I look confused, I apologize. I'm trying to place you. You may live next door, but at the moment, you're out of context to me. My head's in this book.</div>
<div>
Which is fine. Even great sometimes. Except when it comes to keeping a blog going. I'd write more about that, but I feel a plot twist calling. Another thousand words to write before I can dream about anything else.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18042169319157816878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30198246.post-7010535862366233832015-06-26T11:09:00.000-05:002015-06-26T11:09:01.927-05:00Storm clouds gather as the battle begins<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinep0dnhmKLqFQcMmumYccSCwD5pBf3HvjXYlfNJL9pLWiYzvBOOeKrX07N8ZWXaBKQygDaRVDpzgqE28n5YOOtrd2TZRo3MvBAWydz8Zx3Pw8l6lHIrRSsOtCG8QEoP6E0TcnMw/s1600/DSC00451.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinep0dnhmKLqFQcMmumYccSCwD5pBf3HvjXYlfNJL9pLWiYzvBOOeKrX07N8ZWXaBKQygDaRVDpzgqE28n5YOOtrd2TZRo3MvBAWydz8Zx3Pw8l6lHIrRSsOtCG8QEoP6E0TcnMw/s320/DSC00451.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
Call me crazy, but I think the ability to provide food for yourself and your family is a necessary skill. Not simply pushing a cart through the aisles of the grocery store. We're talking something that involves a little labor and a lot of love.<br />
These are not survivalist-level commitments. I'm looking at something more remedial. A potted tomato or a window box of greens to start. A few canning jars. A box of freezer bags.<br />
As a beginning backyard farmer, I've got a deck full of pots. Eggplant. Tomato. Kale. Basil. Other stuff that's green and leafy and needs water.<br />
Well, not eggplant. Not anymore. Because now I've got a raccoon. Two I think. They're sneaky bastards. Even the dogs don't hear them, and they hear everything.<br />
Every night for a week, they've ripped plants out by the roots. Devoured the bird seed. Drank the hummingbird nectar. And as a thank you, left poop all over the deck.<br />
So now what? I've rigged a series of baby gates, blocking access. That worked last night. If I cut off the food source, I'm the one ultimately injured (if being without a steady stream of kale is, indeed, an injury.)<br />
My commitment is being tested. My morality. If I spin it out far enough it becomes kill or be killed. How lethal will this fight become?<br />
You are warned, raccoons. You are warned.<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18042169319157816878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30198246.post-79242570976711668542015-05-14T13:36:00.000-05:002015-08-08T08:04:21.173-05:00Rethinking food, rediscovering life<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGFl_CES6WwUkakgXuYn7MGZP9areNoxFocos6fQUVempuzNzASLnpoPF_5iKtxGulgv40hpNhWOpwBWFCsxJ2W_G___ryDAZ4N_vyaRY-lnOvtSUNxFUtD4ESC3R5dLk3NSqaNA/s1600/IMG_0400.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGFl_CES6WwUkakgXuYn7MGZP9areNoxFocos6fQUVempuzNzASLnpoPF_5iKtxGulgv40hpNhWOpwBWFCsxJ2W_G___ryDAZ4N_vyaRY-lnOvtSUNxFUtD4ESC3R5dLk3NSqaNA/s320/IMG_0400.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The deck farm</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times;">N</span>obody wants to hear about my health problems.
So I'm not going to bore you. But let's just say I'm not unique for a
woman of my certain age. Particularly one who had wine as a major food group. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">I’ve been writing about food for years and I would estimate that at
least 90 percent of those stories featured copious amounts of fried food and
even larger amounts of sugar. These foods went particularly well with the daily
hangover I’d come to accept as normal. And judging from reader feedback, I was
not alone. I felt like death a lot of the time, so I did what we’ve learned to
do. I Googled “Feel Like Death.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">What I learned is I was doing everything wrong. Eating wrong, drinking
too much. Exercise? Ha. So I’ve started to change. I’d quit drinking a hundred
times. This time, after being derailed by a loved one’s death, I quit again.
But this time, I looked for support. Not from other people. Not from 12-Step
groups, which work for some addicts, but not most of them. I went the internal,
soul-strengthening route of treating myself like a person who deserved to live
a good life because — insert long, boring backstory here — I had convinced
myself otherwise.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">The first step in this process is Getting Over It. Getting over my
aversion to vegetables. Getting over my belief that I am special, deserving of
indulgences. Getting over a compulsion to fill my empty spaces with food now
that the wine is gone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;"><span style="font-size: large;">We all start somewhere. </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18042169319157816878noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30198246.post-27794205550361819512015-01-03T09:00:00.002-06:002015-01-03T09:06:48.010-06:00Cooking vegetables for the vegetable-adverse, remedial<div style="font-family: Cochin; font-size: 14px; text-indent: 18px;">
What kind of eater are you?</div>
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<b>My favorite meal is:</b></div>
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1) at a restaurant</div>
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2) one grandma used to make</div>
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3) healthy </div>
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4) anything with chocolate on it</div>
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<b>I eat:</b></div>
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1) 3 squares a day, with snacks</div>
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2) All-day, grazing</div>
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3) when my body says I’m hungry</div>
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4) when there’s chocolate</div>
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<b>The number of calories I consume is:</b></div>
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1) way more than necessary</div>
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2) anywhere from 800 to 3000</div>
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3) exactly as many as my body needs</div>
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4) I do not believe in calories.</div>
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If the majority of your answers were 1 or 2, you’re a normal eater. All you 3s? You’re not a real person. I refuse to believe people like you exist. And you 4s? You are a character in a Cathy comic strip. You’re not, you say? Look in the mirror. Is there a third-dimension? Didn’t think so.</div>
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I have food issues. I either think about food constantly or don’t think about it at all. I veer between well-planned, nutritionally balanced menus to days when I eat nothing that can’t be spread on a Triscuit. It isn’t healthy, and it isn’t wise, but that’s one of the wonderful things about food. It changes by necessity. Recipes can be tweaked and twisted, as anyone who owns the cookbook “50 Ways To Cook Artichokes” knows. </div>
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Every January I pledge to eat better, and if the media is to be believed I am far from alone. But eating better is a learned behavior. And it often begins by cooking healthier food, something that can be self-taught. We can all chop up some broccoli. It’s the process of getting it into our mouth and keeping it there that is the challenge.</div>
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Begin where you’re comfortable. Tiny pieces of celery in soup is the best you can do? Start there. Tomato sauce on pasta. It’s a step up from the universal vegetable delivery system of ketchup, I guess. It doesn’t matter where you start. It’s one meal. One day. Tomorrow you can add a few tiny pieces of carrot in there with the celery. </div>
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Vegetable aversion is a real thing and it takes time to conquer. It also takes some skill. Haters have not learned to prepare the hated properly. So learn. Google it. Watch YouTube videos. Lock yourself in a room with a computer if you feel shamed, but know this. No one is born knowing how to cook vegetables. People who love vegetables were just like you once. </div>
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We all start somewhere. Try starting here, with pureed cauliflower. It kind of looks like mashed potatoes. But you absolutely need a food processor to create something that doesn’t look like a vegetable. There are no quantities in the recipe, no 1/2 teaspoon of this or cup of that, because now is the time to be dangerous in the kitchen. If we must eat right, we might as well have an adventure while we’re doing it.</div>
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Pureed Cauliflower</h4>
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<i>1 head of cauliflower, cut into little pieces</i></div>
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<i>Butter</i></div>
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<i>Milk/buttermilk</i></div>
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<i>Salt</i></div>
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I should probably say that you’re cutting off the flower part. You’ve already gotten rid of the green leaves and now you’re cutting it away from the core. If you knew that was necessary, you should probably not be reading a remedial article. Boil those pieces until you can stick a fork in them. They’ll be the consistency of ice cream, your fork goes in easily but there is some resistance. (If you do not want to get a pot dirty, invest in those Ziploc Steamer Bags. They are a kitchen miracle.)</div>
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Place cooked cauliflower in the food processor with a couple tablespoons butter and a splash of milk. Add a little bit of salt. Turn it on and wait until it looks like mashed potatoes. Add more butter and milk if you’d like after you taste it. Yes, taste it. If it tastes fine, eat it.</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18042169319157816878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30198246.post-22263341260321745422014-12-30T15:12:00.002-06:002014-12-30T15:12:44.526-06:00On the listI'm delighted to be on this list of 2014's best for the website <a href="https://www.blogger.com/Holy%20cow,%20it's%20kind%20of%20cool%20that%20I%20made%20the%20cut.%20http://betterafter50.com/2014/12/shifting-attitudes-and-adult-kids-best-articles-in-2014/" target="_blank">Better After 50</a>. (Writing as C.Anne Roberts)<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18042169319157816878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30198246.post-36706860436375178032014-12-30T13:16:00.000-06:002014-12-30T13:16:48.206-06:00The last of Christmas<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBx4LuRmwfGXkNTH09o3o-UfKr4JCecYyRlJKHVUPXy-Tamn3n8kfgL7-U_D2yENjVz3qTDUhzZJw4b16rKlWcCG3UMufelzHaTh3B8ujNAVuZ-qWEwcWL9PKYJK0dBbX-98Ijng/s1600/13069362173_aea28ec143_z.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBx4LuRmwfGXkNTH09o3o-UfKr4JCecYyRlJKHVUPXy-Tamn3n8kfgL7-U_D2yENjVz3qTDUhzZJw4b16rKlWcCG3UMufelzHaTh3B8ujNAVuZ-qWEwcWL9PKYJK0dBbX-98Ijng/s1600/13069362173_aea28ec143_z.jpg" height="173" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: right;">Not ham again/Ted McGrath/Flickr</td></tr>
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I haven’t been blogging because I haven’t eaten anything besides sugar for days. And yes, that makes me as delightful to be around as you’d suspect. I was going to fix that by eating better today. There are some vegetables in the greens bin, a best intention, but they’re destined for a soup at this point. I think I bought them a couple weeks ago and have systematically ignored them since. The important part of this story is that I have again become aware of vegetables. My vision has strayed from cookies. It’s time to move on.</div>
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Sugar overload is my Post-Christmas Tradition No. 1. The second tradition is The Clearing of the Refrigerator. When the cheese balls and specialty olives are gone, I start reheating and re-serving. It does not go unnoticed.</div>
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“I’ve had ham four times in the last two days,” said the husband. </div>
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So I get creative. Ham in the quiche. Ham in the soup. Ham in a puff pastry, kind of an upscale version pigs in a blanket with some cheese and dijon. So much ham. Today it was Ham and Quinoa Croquettes because here’s what I had: A couple slices of said ham. Half a cooked chicken breast. Quinoa. A couple eggs. Some Purple Haze soft goat cheese. </div>
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I wish I’d had an onion, but I didn’t. If I make this again, it will definitely include an onion. The amounts used are because that’s all I had. Play with it.</div>
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Last-of-Christmas Croquettes</h3>
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<i>1 cup chopped leftover ham</i></div>
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<i>1/2 cup chopped leftover chicken</i></div>
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<i>4 oz soft goat cheese</i></div>
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<i>2 cups cooked quinoa</i></div>
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<i>2 eggs</i></div>
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<i>(Cooked onions would be perfect)</i></div>
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<i>A handful of flour</i></div>
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Mix these all together in a bowl and form into patties. Coat each side with bread crumbs. Pan fry in butter (because I’m out of everything else, I really need to get to the store.)</div>
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Serve with left-over white sauce. And vegetables.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18042169319157816878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30198246.post-84851359790565618632014-12-09T08:54:00.000-06:002014-12-09T08:54:45.336-06:00Save the sprout<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTLUV7wHSORGEwpcNyOiY048TW8rNRIea7DhWUCc7sw_wfciBKXhFTJTH76zjv4Z6RCvuhJ6aya3ZkqsZ5zJZwZaIMGV3VaLyyA9Az3s0MExzM9KwRiqf0ngC6MwdoSPmRnFrHCg/s1600/6299466187_89c21d33c2_z.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTLUV7wHSORGEwpcNyOiY048TW8rNRIea7DhWUCc7sw_wfciBKXhFTJTH76zjv4Z6RCvuhJ6aya3ZkqsZ5zJZwZaIMGV3VaLyyA9Az3s0MExzM9KwRiqf0ngC6MwdoSPmRnFrHCg/s1600/6299466187_89c21d33c2_z.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: right;">Flickr image/krgjumber</td></tr>
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I’ll give this to Brussel sprouts. They are adorable. They grow on miniature trees., these tiny little cabbages, like the dollhouse version of a vegetable. Too cute to eat. I’ll give them credit for that. After I get past appearance, that’s when I have a problem.</div>
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Brussel sprouts have a bad reputation, one I have contributed to as a cook and as an eater. My encounters the the cruciferous sprout is familiar to so many vegaphobs. It was hate at first site. On introduction, they were badly prepared. Boiled, usually. Sitting in a puddle of margarine if we were lucky. And whole. Big round blobs of mushy green on the outside and semi-frozen green on the inside. I’m retching just thinking of them.</div>
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They were inedible, but a generation of parents forced us to eat them. No wonder they were as hated as broccoli.</div>
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There has been a Brussel sprout renaissance in recent years and it is all thanks to one thing: Bacon. Bacon is the cure-all for vegetables. Combine bacon with my favorite preparation method of preparation, which is dicing them up so they are no longer identifiable, and you have something I eat. This is not a healthy recipe. Dieticians will protest and I beg them to look away. But it is an excellent way to reintroduce sprouts to a palate that hides in the other room when their name is mentioned.</div>
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Carmelized Brussel Sprouts. With Bacon</h4>
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<i>Bacon, with saved grease</i></div>
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<i>Brussel sprouts, shredded into thin slices</i></div>
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<i>Pecan pieces</i></div>
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<i>A little brown sugar and balsamic vinegar </i></div>
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Fry up as much bacon as you think you’re going to need. Recipes that say 1 or 2 slices are just wrong. You need enough back to make a previously loathed vegetable edible. Take the bacon out once it’s cooked. Save enough grease to fry up those shredded sprouts. Cook over a medium flame in a big cast iron pan until they start to brown. Be aware that they may pop out at you like pieces of popcorn. Nothing about Brussel sprouts is easy. </div>
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Once they’re browning nicely, toss in some pecan pieces and brown those up a bit. </div>
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Personally, I toss a little brown sugar on them, because inevitably I don’t have the patience to wait for the full-on carmelization which gives the sprouts their sweetness. A splash of balsamic vinegar gives a nice depth of flavor and hides reminders of Brussel sprouts past.</div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18042169319157816878noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30198246.post-53255532434902876042014-11-29T06:57:00.000-06:002014-11-29T06:57:35.257-06:00Rallying with roasted vegetables<div style="font-family: Cochin; font-size: 14px; text-indent: 18px;">
My computer crashed last week. Computers are not supposed to crash anymore. I am told as though it were a modern fact of life by every person I tell the story. But mine did and since I am lax about backing things up, the amount of work gone forever paralyzed me for two days until panic set in, followed by acceptance. Not quite Kubler-Ross’ stages of grief, but anyone who has gone through this sort of high-tech loss understands the proper reaction is mourning, followed by chocolate pudding.</div>
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It took Thanksgiving to snap me out of it. Not because it’s a cherished holiday, but because people were counting on me to provide a side dish. A vegetable. The most unwelcome of all dishes on the carnivore Thanksgiving table.</div>
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The classic green beans with French’s fried onions and mushroom soup is always welcome at family gatherings, but I had different priorities. I wanted something I liked (which is almost never something smothered in canned soup) and something I could reheat or repurpose. I settled on two options: Scalloped corn and roasted root vegetables. Whatever is left over gets folded into pancake batter and made into fritters. Drop on some sour cream mixed with chopped dill and call it dinner.</div>
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Roasted root vegetables is exactly what it sounds like. Root vegetables chopped up and roasted. The roasting caramelizes the sugar in them and you’re eating things you thought you’d never eat. </div>
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Roasted Root Vegetables</h3>
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<i>Parsnips</i></div>
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<i>Turnips</i></div>
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<i>Rutabaga</i></div>
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<i>Carrots</i></div>
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<i>Sweet Potatos</i></div>
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<i>Onion and Garlic</i></div>
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<i>Olive oil and maple syrup</i></div>
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<i>Thyme</i></div>
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<i>Rosemary</i></div>
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<i>Salt</i></div>
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<i>Preheat oven to 400. Peel everything and chop it into one-inch pieces. Dice the onion and garlic. Toss it all in a big bowl. It will cook down to slightly half the size so chop more or less accordingly. Combine olive oil and maple syrup in a 2 to 1 ration. Twice as much oil as syrup. Toss in an appropriate amount of herbs. That’s kind of up to you. I like to smell them while they cook so I use at least a tablespoon. Probably more. Divide it up in roasting pans and put in for 30 minutes uncovered. Stir. Put it back in for another 45 minutes.</i></div>
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<i>Serve with sour cream (particularly if you’re of Eastern European heritage) or don’t. It’s fine without it. </i></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18042169319157816878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30198246.post-28709119657025332192014-10-27T11:35:00.002-05:002014-10-27T11:35:40.048-05:00Diverging Food/Memory<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>The stories on here often appear first in an Iowa newspaper. It's supposed </i><i>to be a food column. And sometimes it is.</i></blockquote>
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<span style="font-size: large;">T</span><span style="font-size: 14px;">his column isn’t about cooking. Or eating. If it’s anything it’s stories that include food. There are recipes (sometimes) because the editor demands it. But mostly this is a few hundred words with food as one of the characters. </span></div>
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I can’t say food has always been an important part of my life. For the longest time it was an afterthought. There were no nights around the dinner table as a child. Maybe a few special recipes before the grandmothers died. A holiday here or there. Depression. Disinterest. There were a lot of reasons I found a good meal was peanut butter on saltines and an adequate meal was peanut butter on a spoon.</div>
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As soon as I were old enough I got a restaurant job. </div>
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Food became french fries and burgers. A steak if the chef happened to like you. But I didn’t learn to cook a meal until I was much older, married and raising children, and even then my techniques consisted primarily of boiling water or opening a box.</div>
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That all sounds woeful, but my point is this: If you grow up without enough food on the table you look at eating differently. Meals become important enough to plan and wasting one is a pity because there have been so many wasted chances already. The same goes for taste. There is a difference between those tinned tomatoes and ones you picked up at the farmers market. Why waste the energy on something that tastes like nothing?</div>
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If a co-worker brings in extra zucchinis — a regular occurrence as we wait for the first frost — I’m more than happy to take them because sometime soon real food, food that tastes like food, will be difficult to find. It’ll take some time and effort to bake a gluten-free zucchini bread or shred it up for fritters. </div>
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<b>Zucchini Fritters.</b></div>
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<i>Peel and shred the zucchinis according to your tolerance for vegetables. Put the shredded zucchini in a colander, squeeze to take out as much moisture as you can. Place in a bowl and add 1/4 cup flour and a couple of eggs, salt and pepper. (Sometimes I’ll chop up an onion and drop that in too.)Try to form a patty. If it holds together nice, kind of on the damp side, you’re good. If not, add a little milk or a little more flour. </i></div>
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<i>All this time there’s been a cast iron skillet with olive oil or something on the stove on a medium-high heat. The oven is also on. Drop a couple patties in the oil. If you didn’t get enough moisture out, it’ll splatter, but no worries. Just step back. Brown one side, then the other. Put it on a cookie sheet in the oven and keep it warm while you finish the batch.</i></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18042169319157816878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30198246.post-88600236177392090052014-10-17T07:37:00.000-05:002014-10-17T07:37:18.738-05:00Cooking the Halloween decor<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhi6lNMwAKVW2bfxlVIZ6TTxBe-o5yckPzAFx52lWit-WFefb60FB7uQX9joOQi7Y14lwWQSFlPpjs_28YMUUeUTkhkWkFwuRlqj2ds7s5X9_zp61i6sWburLjy299A_X_pT-HaJA/s1600/pumpkinlagasgna.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhi6lNMwAKVW2bfxlVIZ6TTxBe-o5yckPzAFx52lWit-WFefb60FB7uQX9joOQi7Y14lwWQSFlPpjs_28YMUUeUTkhkWkFwuRlqj2ds7s5X9_zp61i6sWburLjy299A_X_pT-HaJA/s1600/pumpkinlagasgna.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bought as decoration, used as dinner. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<div style="font-family: Cochin; font-size: 14px; text-indent: 18px;">
One of the first rules of entertaining is don’t serve a meal you’ve never made before. All sorts of things can go wrong in a new recipe because, like so much in life, what you see on the page isn’t always what you get. Recipes aren’t always carefully proofread and that 1 tablespoon of salt is meant to be a single teaspoon. Or the recipe creator mistakenly leaves out a very important ingredient. We’ll assume it’s a mistake although there was that one aunt who happily shared recipes, but not the whole recipe. She’d leave out an important ingredient or two to be sure that her version of the dish always tasted better than the copy. It took me years to figure that out. Years of feeling like a kitchen failure. Instead I’d lost to a cheater. A hyper-competative kitchen cheater.Don't be that person.</div>
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I’ve served more than a few meals that didn’t work, but many more that have. And yes, they’ve been served to guests. That first rule, the one about never serving an experiment is one I refuse to follow. Because of that, some friends recently had the opportunity to share a newly conceived Pumpkin Lasagna that came into existence only because there was a pie pumpkin taking up too much space on the counter. I thought it looked festive when I bought it. Then it just looked like dinner. If I'd bought a butternut squash I would have used that. </div>
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<div style="font-family: Cochin; font-size: 16px; text-indent: 18px;">
<b>Pumpkin Lasagna</b></div>
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<span style="text-decoration: underline;">Filling</span></div>
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<i>1 pie pumpkin (or 2 14-ounce cans of pumpkin - NOT Pumpkin Pie Filling) Make sure it is a pie pumpkin. About 3 pounds. Those big carving pumpkins will not work. </i></div>
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<i>1 cup ricotta</i></div>
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<i>1 cup mascarpone (or leave this out and double the ricotta. There was some in the fridge, so I used it.)</i></div>
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<i>2 eggs</i></div>
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<i>Salt and pepper to taste.</i></div>
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<i>Sage, 1 teaspoon or more</i></div>
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Peel a small pie pumpkin and cut into 1-inch pieces. Toss with olive oil and bake in a 350-degree oven for about 45 minutes or until it’s fork stabbable. Puree. Should make about 3 cups. Leave it in the food processor and add the ricotta, mascarpone and egg.</div>
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<span style="text-decoration: underline;">Sauce</span></div>
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<i>1 medium onion, diced</i></div>
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<i>2 or more cloves garlic</i></div>
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<i>1/4 cup butter</i></div>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; font-size: 14px; text-indent: 18px;">
<i>1/4 cup flour</i></div>
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<i>1 1/2 to 2 cups cream or half and half</i></div>
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<i>Pork sausage or 4 to 6 pieces diced Canadian bacon (optional) </i></div>
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Sauté the diced onion in olive oil until translucent. Add the garlic and sauté. Set aside. Brown the sausage or bacon. Set aside. Make a white sauce with the butter, flour and cream. (Add some of the parmesan to the sauce if you’d like.) I use a large cast iron frying pan for all three of these steps. Combine the pork product and the onion/garlic mix in the sauce. Set aside.</div>
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<span style="text-decoration: underline;">Assemble</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; font-size: 14px; text-indent: 18px;">
<i>12 ounces of mozzarella</i></div>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; font-size: 14px; text-indent: 18px;">
<i>1 cup shredded parmesan</i></div>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; font-size: 14px; text-indent: 18px;">
<i>1 box of pre-cooked lasagna</i></div>
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<br /></div>
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Spread 9- by 12-inch baking dish with a layer of sauce. </div>
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Layer 1: Noodles</div>
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Layer 2: Pumpkin filling.</div>
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Layer 3: Mozzarella and Parm</div>
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Layer 4 Sauce</div>
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Repeat, ending with a layer of sauce-covered noodles sprinkled with Parmesan.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Cover pan with sheet of oiled foil. Bake in 375-degree oven for 40 minutes. Uncover and bake 20 more. Let sit 10 minutes before serving.</div>
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<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18042169319157816878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30198246.post-80389162296181611492014-10-02T07:55:00.000-05:002014-10-02T14:49:04.221-05:00The Tyranny of Perfect Fruit<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheh94G05GaohyDekCP05sOUgwRfRcNtYdTZB7cRtum33RuTQLDQrBXxMgkfBqW83fdxKxzGL55MjDWEFlZhR224rakv0ZkZJIpPM_dCwi9TU9qiTXOZiwtYmG4lqudUcSyw3CpxA/s1600/IMG_0248.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="pear tart recipe" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheh94G05GaohyDekCP05sOUgwRfRcNtYdTZB7cRtum33RuTQLDQrBXxMgkfBqW83fdxKxzGL55MjDWEFlZhR224rakv0ZkZJIpPM_dCwi9TU9qiTXOZiwtYmG4lqudUcSyw3CpxA/s1600/IMG_0248.JPG" height="195" title="Criss Roberts" width="200" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"> E</span>veryone
knows one of these people. Ask them to bring something for a potluck and
they'll arrive with a 7-tiered Venetian fantasy. It looks amazing.
Like something on a Pinterest wedding board. And it tastes like decayed
plaster.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Food
doesn't have to be pretty to taste good. Presentation helps, but it's that
judging a book by its cover thing all over again. The outside doesn't
accurately reflect the inside. I was thinking about this little lesson in
morals while I was looking at the bushel of pears I'd acquired.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My friend,
Lillian, has an abundant pear tree. Every year, she gathers the fruit and gives
it away in exchange for a donation to a charity. So every year, for as long as
I've known Lillian, I end up with a lot of pears.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Pears are
one of those fruits that I am loath to use. Their odd shape makes them
difficult to peel. Not like an apple, round and nearly symmetrical. Pears take
a little knife skill. They are needy. So they sat in the refrigerator, picked
off one by one for snacking.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And after a
week there were still a lot. Too many. Time to bake. So when a friend asked me
to throw in a dessert for an impromptu dinner, I thought "Pear tart!"
like it was an epiphany.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Anyone who
has cooked a pear tart - or seen one in a cookbook - knows that the fruit is
supposed to be sliced into identical wedges and lay in a pinwheel on the crust.
It is a daunting task with more effort spent on creating the picture than the
food. I don't do that. (And that should surprise no one.)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<h4 style="text-align: center;">
Ugly Pear Tart </h4>
<div class="MsoNormal">
FILLING<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
6 smallish pears, peeled, cored and chopped into pieces (enough
for about 3 cups)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Lemon juice<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1 t cornstarch<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
(Some people like a spice, like cinnamon or nutmeg) <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
CRUST:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
3/4-cup flour, plus extra<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1/4-cup sugar<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
4 Tbs cold butter<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ice water<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After chopping up the pears, toss them in a bowl with a
little lemon juice so they don't get brown and some cornstarch so they don't
get watery. Then make the crust just like any other piecrust. I use a food
processor and then put the dough in the fridge for a half hour before pressing
into a tart pan. Or a pie plate if I can't find the tart pan. Bake the crust,
which looks like a large sugar cookie, at 425 for 15 minutes or until golden.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Drain the extra liquid from the pears. When the crust is
done, reduce the oven to 350, dump the pears on top of the crust and bake for
40 minutes.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If I'm feeling fancy I'll drizzle some melted chocolate
across the top. That happens seldom. <o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18042169319157816878noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30198246.post-43287172281834759882014-09-17T06:30:00.000-05:002014-09-17T06:30:01.156-05:00Rainy days and risotto<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqXydf_Cdoj0Vxr6CeYKz5z-yuvy9YpMLTAHLTQTugO8AHzsTs6iCOZ23SFh6EYQER2MqJmqNzeHULq7YBpTKwTFtKlFrE9RGW1Uzqz2afikCv6WA_5pY9HUD1774a2pKv5vrlYQ/s1600/IMG_0270.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqXydf_Cdoj0Vxr6CeYKz5z-yuvy9YpMLTAHLTQTugO8AHzsTs6iCOZ23SFh6EYQER2MqJmqNzeHULq7YBpTKwTFtKlFrE9RGW1Uzqz2afikCv6WA_5pY9HUD1774a2pKv5vrlYQ/s1600/IMG_0270.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; font-size: 14px; text-indent: 18px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; text-indent: 18px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">I</span><span style="font-size: 14px;">t’s raining, one of those rains that clears out the gutters and turns the river a dark metallic grey, leaving a damp chill in the air between storms. It’s been raining on and off for days and because of this I have not shopped for food. On days like these I swear I will can more. Freeze more. Set aside a stockpile because if there’s one thing I won’t do, it’s leave the house when there’s rain or snow. If it weren’t for four-wheel drive and good county road crews proving me a liar, I’d happily stay home all winter, insisting the roads were impassible if my presence were necessary.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; font-size: 14px; text-indent: 18px;">
But that particular scenario is still weeks away. And while the calendar is saying Fall, the weather is insisting “Not yet.” But today there is a chilly rain, which means it’s slow cooker weather. For years, I avoided slow cookers, embarrassed to even have one in the pantry. I’ve relented, especially on days when I want something filling. Something rich.</div>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; font-size: 14px; text-indent: 18px;">
Today want a creamy risotto, but I don’t have the right kind of rice. A starchy rice that breaks down into a creamy goodness when cooked. I do have barley, however, which is better of its high fiber content and I can claim I chose it because it is healthier, not because it is what I have left in the pantry. Risotto isn’t just the name of the dish, it’s also the cooking method, which roughly translated means Hours Stirring Grains and Broth On An Open Flame. Which is nice kitchen performance art, but I want something easy. And good. Adding the cheddar gives it a mac-and-cheese feel without the white flour guilt.</div>
<h3 style="text-align: center;">
Crock Pot Barley Risotto</h3>
<br />
<ul style="list-style-type: none;">
<li style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">1 cup barley</span></li>
<li style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">3 cups chicken broth (or vegetable if you want vegan)</span></li>
<li style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">1/4 cup butter, cut into small pieces</span></li>
<li style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">2 Tbs leftover non-sweet wine (optional)</span></li>
<li style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">4 cloves garlic or equivalent garlic powder</span></li>
<li style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">1/2 medium yellow onion, diced and sautéed</span></li>
<li style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Salt and pepper to taste<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span></li>
<li style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese (faux or otherwise)</span></li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul style="list-style-type: none;">
<li style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"></span></li>
<li style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"></span></li>
<li style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"></span></li>
<li style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"></span></li>
</ul>
<br />
<div style="color: #4e4e4f; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 14px;">
Mix the broth, barley, butter, wine, garlic, onion, salt, and black pepper in a Crock Pot and cook on High for 2 to 2 1/2 hours. Stir in cheese.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18042169319157816878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30198246.post-41201295202411324752014-09-01T09:10:00.000-05:002014-09-22T07:23:18.867-05:00Tailgating for the non-fan<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgha3EEqtdvPFvSqb4LfhcWofe91gw3SJZtkLIxl82PvC2eF9he_wqzK8QuLKfvjhQzpwPhNCvCX1etxZPbx4axKovQiEzAkOspio0w_Q3d7SSaFAku8bjOeB__G2opxybiU51fGg/s1600/IMG_0224.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgha3EEqtdvPFvSqb4LfhcWofe91gw3SJZtkLIxl82PvC2eF9he_wqzK8QuLKfvjhQzpwPhNCvCX1etxZPbx4axKovQiEzAkOspio0w_Q3d7SSaFAku8bjOeB__G2opxybiU51fGg/s1600/IMG_0224.JPG" height="320" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Peach Salsa, step 1</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: large;">C</span><span style="font-family: Cochin; font-size: 14px; text-indent: 18px;">ollege football has started, which around here means an empty house on Saturdays. Everyone is either at the game or watching the game somewhere else. It’s a day of catch-up for this non-fan. Reading, cleaning, cooking and just being thankful I’m not standing in a crowded stadium asking people around me to explain what just happened on the field.</span><br />
<div style="font-family: Cochin; font-size: 14px; text-indent: 18px;">
I’ve stubbornly refused to become a fan. That might be different if I’d gone to a college where the football game was worth waking up for. And I know it’s possible to become a late-life convert. But there are only so many brain cells in a life. Why squander them on false enthusiasm?</div>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; font-size: 14px; text-indent: 18px;">
There is one part of the football ritual I can get behind and that’s the tailgating. The guys man the grill, cooking manly meats. Bratwurst. Burgers. Steaks. Neighbors share, creating their own culinary currency. A breakfast bagel for 2 hotdogs. Pork burger for a veggie burger + a dessert to be named later.</div>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; font-size: 14px; text-indent: 18px;">
The women have packed the accompaniments. Brownies, breads and baked goods. Chips and dips. Chips and salsa. A plate of cut-up vegetables that will go back home nearly uneaten because it’s football, not a bridal shower. Who tried to sneak this healthy stuff on the table? </div>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; font-size: 14px; text-indent: 18px;">
Tailgating is a communal meal of pre-thanksgiving, a ritual victory feast because no true fan would dare believe that there is anything but a win expected by day’s end. And like a celebratory meal, everyone brings an offering, more humble than fantastic because the setting — a truck bed as altar, lawn chairs as pews — necessitate a casual approach to both food and comfort. China is replaced by paper plates. Forks by fingers. Napkins? They’ve blown off the table in a gust of warm wind. </div>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; font-size: 14px; text-indent: 18px;">
On a quiet Saturday, when I’ve stayed home after waving the fanboys goodbye, I begin my own football ritual of preparing for next week’s tailgate. A mountain of peaches wait and I’ve got peach salsa on my mind. It’s 88 degrees, a horribly hot day for football and canning alike. But peaches don’t wait and neither can I.</div>
<h3 style="text-align: center;">
Peach Salsa (Canned or not)</h3>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; font-size: 14px; text-indent: 18px;">
<i>6 cups peeled, sliced and pitted peaches, about 4 pounds</i></div>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; font-size: 14px; text-indent: 18px;">
<i>2 or more jalepenos, diced</i></div>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; font-size: 14px; text-indent: 18px;">
<i>1 1/2 cup diced red onion</i></div>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; font-size: 14px; text-indent: 18px;">
<i>1 cup diced yellow, orange or red pepper)</i></div>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; font-size: 14px; text-indent: 18px;">
<i>1 tsp cumin</i></div>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; font-size: 14px; text-indent: 18px;">
<i>1/4 tsp cayenne</i></div>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; font-size: 14px; text-indent: 18px;">
<i>3 tsp garlic powder or 3 cloves garlic</i></div>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; font-size: 14px; text-indent: 18px;">
<i>1 1/2 cup vinegar</i></div>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; font-size: 14px; text-indent: 18px;">
<i>3/4 cup sugar</i></div>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; font-size: 14px; min-height: 17px; text-indent: 18px;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; font-size: 14px; text-indent: 18px;">
<i>Combine everything in a large dutch oven and boil for 10 minutes. Reduce heat and simmer until liquid becomes syrupy. This makes about 4 quarts. Divide it up and can it with 15 minutes in a hot water bath. Or cool it in the refrigerator and eat at the next couple tailgates. (Adapted from “Food In Jars” by Marisa McClellan)</i></div>
<br />
<div style="font-family: Cochin; font-size: 14px; min-height: 17px; text-indent: 18px;">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18042169319157816878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30198246.post-71673415909445626432014-08-29T08:36:00.002-05:002014-08-29T08:36:29.661-05:00This is what we eat here<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiONhIy2N4bU8g6Xf_NH1uJE85eBroLcTDNiL9nMNu8jES-nDTCF9xtRN-Mz5XWbJgsnZi_Bcd8eZeEu5cPbtqQztREz-FEs-9fEGRBo3MTdBMbghlRzsby3pUaf0Ro2ttNQj7fLQ/s1600/IMG_7113.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiONhIy2N4bU8g6Xf_NH1uJE85eBroLcTDNiL9nMNu8jES-nDTCF9xtRN-Mz5XWbJgsnZi_Bcd8eZeEu5cPbtqQztREz-FEs-9fEGRBo3MTdBMbghlRzsby3pUaf0Ro2ttNQj7fLQ/s1600/IMG_7113.JPG" height="266" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It's home.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; text-indent: 18px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; text-indent: 18px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">S</span><span style="font-size: 14px;">ome people love the bed and breakfast experience. I’m not one of them. It’s the breakfast part I hate, sitting at the dining room table, forcing interest in your fellow boarders. Just give me a cup of coffee and a piece of bacon. That’s all I’m asking.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; font-size: 14px; text-indent: 18px;">
But last fall, we found ourselves in just such a situation in Willamette Valley. Oregon’s wine growing region has beautiful views, interesting wines, amazing restaurants and a handful of housing options. So it’s no surprise to find a self-proclaimed foodie or wine snob sitting across the B&B table, as hung-over as a college student. </div>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; font-size: 14px; text-indent: 18px;">
They are generally gregarious, anxious to impart their wisdom about a super-secret restaurant that they’ve stumbled on, to add to their street cred, drive traffic to their blog. And after the soliloquy on last night’s food rapture, they ask the question: Where are you from.</div>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; font-size: 14px; text-indent: 18px;">
“Iowa. On the Mississippi River.”</div>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; font-size: 14px; text-indent: 18px;">
And a look of horror passes over their face. It takes a moment for them to form the words.</div>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; font-size: 14px; text-indent: 18px;">
“What do you EAT there?” As though Iowa were a vast food desert. Nothing but flat acres of corn fed to cows somewhere else. </div>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; font-size: 14px; text-indent: 18px;">
It’s a question I struggle with sometimes and I have learned that most often the question means “Where do you eat there?” The food tourist isn’t as interested in the meal as they are in the stamp in their mental passport so of course they’ve never considered Iowa.</div>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; font-size: 14px; text-indent: 18px;">
We have our restaurants and they serve us admirably. But there aren’t many where I can say “This is what we eat and you can get it nowhere else, nowhere better.” </div>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; font-size: 14px; text-indent: 18px;">
The question comes down to local foods, meals that remind a homesick Iowan of home. We’ve got our Maytag cheese. We’ve got our morels. We’ve got our Sterzings. We’ve got pork tenderloins and Windsor chops. We’ve got … that’s my list., my You Know You’re From Iowa When … list. We have our points of pride.</div>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; font-size: 14px; text-indent: 18px;">
But I didn’t run down that list when confronted with the “What do you eat” question. </div>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; font-size: 14px; text-indent: 18px;">
“We cook at home. We have friends over. We raid our friends’ gardens.” </div>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; font-size: 14px; text-indent: 18px;">
Because a meal isn’t just about the food. It’s about the people you share it with. The connections you make and keep and cherish long after your favorite restaurant goes the way of arugula pizza. </div>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; font-size: 14px; min-height: 17px; text-indent: 18px;">
<br /></div>
<h4>
Sweet Potato Breakfast Hash For People Who Hate Breakfast Food</h4>
<div style="font-family: Cochin; font-size: 14px; text-indent: 18px;">
<i>Diced up an onion and toss it into a skillet where you’ve already melted some butter. Peel a sweet potato and chop it into little 1/4” squares. Or grate it. I don’t like it grated as much, but you might. Toss that in with the onions and fry it on medium heat. Too hot and the outsides brown but the insides don’t cook. You’re looking for that nice brown caramelized outside. </i><i>When it’s almost done, toss in some left-over chicken cut into little bits. (What, no leftover chicken? I thought everyone had leftover chicken.) Season with salt and pepper. </i></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18042169319157816878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30198246.post-56238892291465010712014-08-27T13:19:00.001-05:002014-08-27T13:33:14.341-05:00A history of Labor Day in 3, maybe 4, beers<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjl4TPkUNQSxEYZQfgY6rLJ9_KYIKsN3oHiR7YIfo3JOEHL9Ht7yljpTp1HT4oJwM2_hRARnL_z9HFvOkshcG3VOyfqx6CUXee1pHC2U1II8z2qRDPUknkfMANyoQG5gnPcz4m03w/s1600/Nico's%2BTavern%2C%2BNick%2Bbehind%2Bthe%2Bbar.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjl4TPkUNQSxEYZQfgY6rLJ9_KYIKsN3oHiR7YIfo3JOEHL9Ht7yljpTp1HT4oJwM2_hRARnL_z9HFvOkshcG3VOyfqx6CUXee1pHC2U1II8z2qRDPUknkfMANyoQG5gnPcz4m03w/s1600/Nico's%2BTavern%2C%2BNick%2Bbehind%2Bthe%2Bbar.jpg" height="400" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Nick at the tavern.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">T</span>he last Hooligans Picnic
was probably 40 years ago. The guys that hung out at my grandparent's Southside
tavern — that's the south side of Chicago, Roseland to be exact — would reserve
some tables in a forest preserve, rent a few kiddie carnival rides to keep us
occupied and throw some charcoal in a 55-gallon drum that had been sliced in
half and sandblasted at the corner auto body repair shop. It was Labor Day and
the neighborhood celebrated it vehemently. St. Patrick's Day was for rookies.<br />
<o:p> </o:p> A few kegs of PBR or Schlitz were
rolled in, the neighborhood beer, back before they were ironic or cool. The ladies
circled their aluminum chairs near the kegs because that was the best shade.
They refused the beer and drank highballs out of plastic cups.<br />
<o:p> </o:p> I remember the drinks.
Remember sneaking a sip when no one was looking. And I remember making 7 and 7s
for the aunties (Seagrams 7 and 7-Up, but not too much 7-Up. They were very
specific in their instructions.)<br />
<o:p> </o:p> But I don't remember the
food. Hot dogs, I'd guess. It was Chicago, after all.<br />
<o:p> </o:p> The Hooligans broke up,
moved away, drank themselves to death. It's what you'd expect from a group
created on a bar stool. I moved too. To Carbondale — Southern Illinois
University — where the Labor Day picnics were on rotting old porches and the
beer wasn't much better. But the entire bottle was now mine. I didn't have to
sneak sips.<br />
<o:p> </o:p> A grill was always going.
There were hot dogs. And hamburgers. Standard grill fare, far better than
standard cafeteria fare. Some ambitious girl would show up with a salad of
shredded iceberg lettuce and grated carrots, not realizing there was nothing to
eat it with. We were moving up in the world.<br />
<o:p> </o:p> Years later, the calendar
pages flying past as if blown by a tornado, I flip through a pile of cookbooks,
looking for a great Labor Day meal. I already chosen the beer. A home brew
quietly aging in the basement. But the meal? It has to have zucchini in it. And
tomatoes. Because that's what I picked up at the farmers market. I've found
several complicated recipes, a dozen ingredients that look beautiful in the
after pictures. But so much work.<br />
<o:p> </o:p> Last week, a friend, Nathalie
Girod, posted a picture of her lunch on Facebook. Just slices of the freshest
vegetables, lightly grilled. I didn't ask her for the recipe, because she won't
have one. She never does. Great cooks don't work that way. So I made one up.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt;">Grilled Zucchini</span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Cut </span><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> zucchini lengthwise into 1/4 inch
slices.. Brush with olive oil, sprinkle with sea salt and pepper and put it
directly on a medium hot grill until the grill makes marks on it. That'll be
about 6 minutes. Flip it over and repeat on the other side. I'll sprinkle some
parmesan on top sometime. Maybe.</span></div>
<br />
<br />
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<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment-->Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18042169319157816878noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30198246.post-61740540742324687212014-07-01T09:28:00.000-05:002014-07-01T09:33:30.516-05:00The Other Blog<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioyAUMQlX1Cq7eCAAO002t7FQzddvz_hLM_SMHiH0aXqG0YONEYUl99lXu8dMEZSZtp3AXCIYEXyBhCs97jTrsO6yM09XBfHZlCXU1J2Oww6_q5Y0lM4r_VH3vUaYfxnvheTx7pQ/s1600/ia_burlington04.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioyAUMQlX1Cq7eCAAO002t7FQzddvz_hLM_SMHiH0aXqG0YONEYUl99lXu8dMEZSZtp3AXCIYEXyBhCs97jTrsO6yM09XBfHZlCXU1J2Oww6_q5Y0lM4r_VH3vUaYfxnvheTx7pQ/s1600/ia_burlington04.jpg" height="153" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Let's just call this Concordia, shall we?<br />
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I've writing the second in a series of books set in Concordia, an old Mississippi River town on the upswing. By now, the place is become very real to me and there's all sorts of things going on that the characters are part of. Art fairs, church activities, weddings, weather incidents. Not all of it's going into the books, so I started a faux news site <a href="http://concordiainthenews.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">http://concordiainthenews.blogspot.com</a></div>
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You can take the old reporter out of the newsroom, but you can't always take the newsroom out of her blood.</div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18042169319157816878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30198246.post-21688603489693733302014-06-06T09:18:00.000-05:002014-06-06T09:26:38.920-05:00Best dressed<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVvVAyO4GM5QCRHUHiGYIT8-59TiV7kGJGt-U6nTr_HWyly078xnFIwQ35ZUYiWngn-iJ3AxEh7Gx2K_af7GdTYBpeaKFbbQsUuc4J0nvWoAUsGbpqpTsqnhiQGHLbPdVTH2LZdw/s1600/IMG_0167.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVvVAyO4GM5QCRHUHiGYIT8-59TiV7kGJGt-U6nTr_HWyly078xnFIwQ35ZUYiWngn-iJ3AxEh7Gx2K_af7GdTYBpeaKFbbQsUuc4J0nvWoAUsGbpqpTsqnhiQGHLbPdVTH2LZdw/s1600/IMG_0167.JPG" height="400" width="400" /></a></div>
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Look what I found at the local resale store. A trip to the past. I was that girl in high school, the mid-'70s version of Goth, wearing vintage before vintage was much of a thing. It was stuff my mother had saved, hoping to lose enough weight to fit back into the clothes she'd worn in her 20s. (That, apparently, has always been a thing.) They were beautiful dresses in extraordinary fabric and I felt beautiful and extraordinary in them. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgppHiZsEKexDBBh_buUAPSCvceGVpQUCt3k09pm7OkuCBiQiQLgyY6TBXMvoZmBJ-sqasSq8HsqouygoMkPb6JAe50HEj7ONEFDB3mmOfebuFg8ev9QRAYYl5nh1d2IBcwz3t1GQ/s1600/prada.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgppHiZsEKexDBBh_buUAPSCvceGVpQUCt3k09pm7OkuCBiQiQLgyY6TBXMvoZmBJ-sqasSq8HsqouygoMkPb6JAe50HEj7ONEFDB3mmOfebuFg8ev9QRAYYl5nh1d2IBcwz3t1GQ/s1600/prada.jpg" height="200" width="200" /></a>I can try to relive that, even though it will take every shred of dressmaking skills I've ever learned to resize these. (The Vogue Pattern Size 14 is for a 32-inch bust. The Size 14 I now wear is for a bigger rack.) They were hidden, tucked on the bottom shelf at the charity store, three huge bins of patterns. I bought 76 from the '50s to the '70s (in case I ever want to dress like I was in high school.) I'll make a few, if I find perfect fabric. Will it be a lot of look? I'm sure there are going to be people that say that. But I'm going with Miuccia Prada on this, with my own twist: Wilder, yet with refinement. </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18042169319157816878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30198246.post-29149487828718082482014-03-04T07:52:00.003-06:002014-03-04T07:52:53.432-06:00Off kilterMy virtual ass is dragging. Dad died a couple weeks ago. 10 days since the funeral. I don't feel like doing much but sitting in the corner of the couch and drinking, so not-drinking is taking up all my energy. All of it.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18042169319157816878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30198246.post-5663762827771808702014-01-25T10:29:00.000-06:002014-01-25T10:29:01.348-06:00Led Zepplin saved meI wrote this back in September and it was published on one of my favorite sites, <a href="http://betterafter50.com/" target="_blank">Better After 50</a> while I was on vacation. Just found it.<br />
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<a href="http://betterafter50.com/2013/10/rock-on-pretty-baby/" target="_blank">http://betterafter50.com/2013/10/rock-on-pretty-baby/</a><br />
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Rock On, Pretty Baby!</h1>
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October 11, 2013</div>
By <a href="http://betterafter50.com/author/criss-roberts/" rel="author" style="border: 0px; color: #205b87; margin: 0px; outline: none; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none;" title="Posts by Criss Roberts">Criss Roberts</a></div>
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<img alt="singing in the car" class="alignright size-medium wp-image-19632" height="300" src="http://betterafter50.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/singing-in-the-car-219x300.png" style="border: 0px; float: right; height: auto; margin: 5px 0px 5px 15px; max-width: 100%; outline: none; padding: 0px;" width="219" />I’m driving home from the grocery store with a case of cheap Pinot Grigio in the trunk because I’m hosting what my husband calls “a little family gathering.” What that really means is I’ll be feeding more people than I want to be feeding and the only thing that’s going to make that OK is a lot of wine. The “family” in this case is HIS family and since this is our second marriage, his family doesn’t always like to share him with me, the interloper.</div>
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I’m not happy about this whole thing, which is redundant to even mention because we’re smart women here. We’ve been there. We’ve all soldiered on, taking a back seat so someone else can ride in the front. We’re starting to feel invisible and it doesn’t help when the check-out girl at the grocery store doesn’t stop chatting with the bagger long enough to even acknowledge us. If it wasn’t 10 a.m., I’d start on that wine.</div>
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And then, like a gift from the universe, the song comes on the radio. It’s one of those songs that burst out of you in moments of joy, a song from your youth which reminds you life can be … amazing. So, since I’m sure no one can see me in my car, I start singing along. “Hey baby, pretty baby …”</div>
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Then it hits.</div>
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The Pretty Baby in that song is in her mid-50s now, probably pushing 60 or maybe even 70…a true Baby Boomer. Those moves that sat one man down with a pen to write a song that lives on are now less noteworthy, crippled by bad knees and aching joints, and if Baby was, oooh-oooh, in the front row today the only person eyeing her with interest would be security. But, hey baby, that was us. That was me and it was probably you. We wore concert shirts unironically. We danced in the aisles and no one told us to sit down. We may not have specifically been the girl the songs were written about, but we knew that girl. We knew we could have been that girl if we wanted it enough.</div>
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But then we wanted other things more and that was OK. We grew up. Those concert t-shirts became cleaning rags and those songs dropped off the charts and on to oldies stations. The 8-tracks we’d played were replaced by cassettes and then again by downloads which we’d secretly listen to on the treadmill, a little embarrassed by our stunted taste in music. Embedded on my iPod, Pretty Baby never grows up, she’ll always be a catchy anonymous refrain. Once, we were the face of a generation. Now, no one would guess we were that girl. On bad days, even we forget that was us.</div>
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But today, I remember. It plays in my mind like an opening bass riff. Sitting there at the stop light, I remember that there is no song without an inspiration and that inspiration is always there, somewhere inside, waiting, hidden, a little afraid its time has passed. So sitting there with my a trunkful of warm white wine, I vow to reclaim that inner Pretty Baby. It is time to write our own verses and if we must, our own song. It may only be in the quiet of a car. Or it may be in a bustling kitchen, surrounded by family and friends, where we rock on and on and on.</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18042169319157816878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30198246.post-16969655613603970742013-11-04T12:41:00.001-06:002013-11-04T13:51:25.065-06:00Emergency woodworking<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
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Building tables from old house parts</span></h2>
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<span style="font-size: x-large; text-align: left;">S</span><span style="font-size: small; text-align: left;">omeday I'll remember to take better pictures. This is the first of several planned tables using reclaimed lumber from Burlington, Iowa's, Preservation Station, a non-profit run by the Heritage Trust that strips old houses of useable parts before they're torn down. They were kind enough to donate the materials to the Art Guild, where we're creating high-tops for our social events. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Here's the plans. Quarter sawn oak from baseboards, accented with brass kickplates aged with ammonia and coarse salt.</span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJG6o60oiPoVHu9PuhFTvUADnJQAVV12BJX4NHEO9ULLm3RYpbDiDbU9Xpna73Y1ymlFE07PZTLL6nQXxC_9TUH5Mrgfn_x2eUBJp7NaIxB4QEw6yoQx52SFdpsboQ03a_-GkNVw/s1600/DSCN0051.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: large;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJG6o60oiPoVHu9PuhFTvUADnJQAVV12BJX4NHEO9ULLm3RYpbDiDbU9Xpna73Y1ymlFE07PZTLL6nQXxC_9TUH5Mrgfn_x2eUBJp7NaIxB4QEw6yoQx52SFdpsboQ03a_-GkNVw/s200/DSCN0051.JPG" width="200" /></span></a></blockquote>
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We chose baseboard, stripped the finish off on the jointer then glued it up to form the thickness necessary.</blockquote>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEEs3OBihiroFF3C6t8qVG5Sre9Ao5cXG4JE824PVE0y-gNh_JpJIuoEpOMmpAMH1UmW6E9en-9ygCUqM8b87NjBhkj6S_tBJ-NygRmH9Rm_St6BsOLotLkD6b_A1Npg0q2Z6V5w/s1600/DSCN0060.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEEs3OBihiroFF3C6t8qVG5Sre9Ao5cXG4JE824PVE0y-gNh_JpJIuoEpOMmpAMH1UmW6E9en-9ygCUqM8b87NjBhkj6S_tBJ-NygRmH9Rm_St6BsOLotLkD6b_A1Npg0q2Z6V5w/s320/DSCN0060.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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These brass plates came from an old school, where they protected the bottom of doors. Aged them with a mixture coarse salt and ammonia, then let it sit in the sun. Finished it with a spray of clear fix. Below is the base laying on the shop floor.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFJHEbejCr2nc992wIZxImDSnRQRN8JwEvkB-l_ImvQbKWljJGtUFmhhwjcorFu5-t5wjYPcwfupE5WAHwHxwqE3ZAq0ppTiOja1k2pk6ea-vAdEv7dFrU6FQY8DYOFb_XINiRZA/s1600/DSCN0062.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; display: inline !important; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFJHEbejCr2nc992wIZxImDSnRQRN8JwEvkB-l_ImvQbKWljJGtUFmhhwjcorFu5-t5wjYPcwfupE5WAHwHxwqE3ZAq0ppTiOja1k2pk6ea-vAdEv7dFrU6FQY8DYOFb_XINiRZA/s200/DSCN0062.JPG" width="200" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">So here's the thing. This old wood is VERY dry and the cracking forced us to give up on details like mortise and tenon joinery for pocket hole screws and lots of glue. And because pieces kept cracking I had to substitute wood I had in the shop, which was often pine, when I ran out of oak baseboards... did I mention the tight deadline? So instead of the tung oil finish I'd hoped to use to bring out the grain, I ended up using a a Minwax gel stain in Cherrywood..The top is pine covered in blackboard paint, which was fun for the partygoers. Since these are all donated materials we're hoping for a nice soapstone for the remaining 4. Maybe slate. Maybe chalkboard. If not, it's all good. </span></div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18042169319157816878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30198246.post-47031792200348882472013-08-31T14:32:00.000-05:002013-08-31T14:32:07.542-05:00When the barn gives you a gift...<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">The husband's story goes something like this: It was in a barn. He thinks. Maybe a garage. He's not sure. It has a tag that says HAWKEYE, Burlington Iowa on the cabinet door</span><br />
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Its a sweet upper half a cabinet. And as much as I love painted furniture... and as much as I SWEAR I'll do everything I can to keep that original paint ... this time I just couldn't </div>
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The green had crackled nicely, revealing a nice white. But that was only on one side. There was also the metallic silver used on a couple of drawers, the black sprayed on half a cabinet face, some blue that had dripped down the side and the outline of a can of red enamel that had been left sitting and puddling on top. </div>
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It's nearly stripped now ... I used a heat gun ... but I haven't decided what to do next. To paint or not to paint. Stain? Bleach? Paint ... definitely paint.<br />
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In the beginning</blockquote>
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<br class="Apple-interchange-newline" /><span style="text-align: center;">It's in the entryway now. No stain, a few coats of poly, wax, Rebuilt the drawers, added legs. Miracle... saved all the hardware. Nothing particularly creative or interesting about it beyond repair work, but sometimes a piece screams "Don't mess with me" </span><br />
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CUTE, right. I like it.</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18042169319157816878noreply@blogger.com0